When “being nice” is killing your joy: Why setting boundaries is the ultimate act of self-love

For a long time, I thought being the “cool boss” at work—the one who said yes to everything, picked up the slack, stayed late, and kept the peace—meant I was doing the right thing. I was a team player. I was dependable. I was… exhausted.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that I wasn’t being kind. I was betraying myself—over and over again.

Until one day, my body said enough.

The Wake-Up Call

I was sitting in my car outside of work, trying to summon the energy to walk inside. My heart was racing, my stomach was in knots, and I was fighting back tears. And this wasn’t just a one-off bad day. It had become a pattern.

I worked for someone who constantly crossed the line—demeaning comments, unrealistic expectations, no regard for boundaries or basic respect. But instead of speaking up or walking away, I kept telling myself, “Just push through. Don’t rock the boat. Be grateful you have a job.”

Sound familiar?

If you’ve ever felt like you had to keep shrinking yourself to make other people comfortable, this post is for you.

Because what I learned the hard way is that boundaries aren’t walls—they’re invitations. Invitations for people to meet you in a space of mutual respect. Invitations for you to reclaim your energy, your voice, and your peace.

The Turning Point: Choosing Myself

On that morning of holding back my tears in the car, and after yet another belittling meeting, I hit a breaking point. I couldn’t keep pretending everything was fine. So, I did something I’d never done before—I spoke up. I told my boss how I felt about how I was being treated. And a few days later… she fired me.

At first, I couldn’t believe it. She was firing me after all the blood, sweat and tears I put into her business just because I told her how I felt?. But deep down, I knew it wasn’t just an ending—it was the beginning of something better. Not just freedom from that toxic workplace, but freedom from the patterns that had kept me quiet, small, and disconnected from my worth for far too long.

That was the start of my return to self. I dove into holistic healing, mindset work, and the art of setting boundaries. It wasn’t easy—but it was powerful. And one of the biggest things I learned? Boundaries aren’t walls. They’re invitations. They show others how to love and respect you—and more importantly, how to love and respect yourself.

Why Boundaries Feel So Hard

If setting boundaries feels uncomfortable or even scary for you, you’re not alone. Most of us weren’t taught how to honor ourselves—we were taught how to please others.

We were told:

• “Don’t be selfish.”

• “Be easygoing.”

• “Don’t make a scene.”

But here’s the truth:
🔥 You’re not selfish for needing space.
🔥 You’re not dramatic for having standards.
🔥 You’re not a bad person for saying no.

Boundaries aren’t about control or conflict. They’re about clarity. They help you get honest about what you want and what you will and won’t allow in your life.

And when you start honoring them? Everything changes.

3 Simple Tools to Start Setting Boundaries Today

You don’t have to do a full life overhaul overnight. Start with these three tools and notice how even the smallest shifts start to unlock major changes:

1. Pause Before You Say Yes

When someone asks you to do something—pause. Even if it’s just 5 seconds. Give yourself space to check in:

“Do I want to do this?”
“Do I have the energy for this?”
“Am I saying yes out of guilt or obligation?”

If the answer isn’t a clear yes… it’s probably a no.

2. Use This Boundary Script

Want to speak up but don’t know how? Try this:

“I appreciate you thinking of me, but I don’t have the capacity for that right now.”
“I’m not available for that, but I hope it works out.”
“That doesn’t feel aligned for me, but thank you for understanding.”

Short. Respectful. Clear. That’s the vibe.

3. Check in With Your Energy

At the end of each day, ask yourself:

• What gave me energy today?

• What drained me?

• What boundary could help protect my peace tomorrow?

Awareness is the first step. You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.

The Real Reason This Matters

This isn’t just about saying no to working late or not replying to texts after 9pm.

It’s about deciding you are worthy of a life that feels good.

It’s about choosing to stop performing and start living in alignment with what actually lights you up.

When you set boundaries, you stop abandoning yourself—and start building a life that supports your growth, your magic, and your joy.

That’s what we do in Wildly Free.

Because your power doesn’t come from how much you can handle. It comes from how deeply you honor your truth.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If this post spoke to you, it’s probably because your soul is done with the hustle, the people-pleasing, and the quiet resentment.

And you’re ready for something more.

✨ More ease.
✨ More alignment.
✨ More confidence.
✨ More YOU.

Let’s explore what life could look like when you stop surviving and start thriving.

to see if you’re a fit for Wildly Free — my signature coaching experience for women ready to reclaim their energy, set powerful boundaries, and start living life on their own damn terms.

You’re not too much.
You’re just in a space that’s too small for your magic.

Let’s change that. 💫